I’ve been in America for 11 days and jetlag is still owning me. Everything is surreal. I don’t really know how to answer people’s questions at the moment. I’m on overload every time I open my bedroom door. T.V.’s, refrigerators, faucets all over the place with clean running water. Hopping in a car and driving somewhere is insane. Restaurants, entertainment, shopping centers where you can get everything. It’s panic inducing. Anything and everything is available. It would sometimes take me weeks to find what I needed, if I was even able to get it, and that was only carrots.
Dust, trees, dirt paths, and women carrying buckets of water on their head is what I’m used to.
I have this overwhelming sense of feeling lost all the time. And I don’t really know what I’m doing here. I don’t quite have a sense of purpose here anymore like I did in Kenya.
It’s dumbfounding to me what I’m experiencing right now. I have lived nearly 28 years in America and only 2 in Kenya. I should be able to transition back to what I know without this much difficulty and anxiety.
America makes me feel like such an infant. I’m having to relearn how to live here.
I didn’t know how to use the swipe your card machine at the register. I asked for a refill at McDonalds and they told me they didn’t do that anymore and gave me a look like where have you been. Um, Kenya. That’s where I’ve been. Over and over America is shaming me and making me feel like an idiot with even the simplest of things.
I wouldn’t take back my time in Kenya but currently where I am in life I felt better off at 18. I had a car, insurance, a job, a place to live that wasn’t my parent’s house.
I need a job so I can afford a car but I need that car to get me to that job. Not sure how I get there from here.
I didn’t really think about this part of coming back from the Peace Corps.
I also didn’t really realize there would be a sort of grieving process upon returning home. Why didn’t I see this coming? I just spent 2 years developing relationships with so many people that I will never see or even ever be able to communicate with ever again.
But here I am.
So what’s next?
I’m probably going to freak out about the direction of my life for the next week and a half. Spend time with my family/ Brother’s Wedding. Then spend the next 2 months on a road trip. Hopefully readjusting better than I am now.
I have a couple of posts that I wanted to post but ran out of time in Kenya to flesh them out. Since my schedule is wide open at the moment I may make a couple more posts before shutting the blog down.